Relief: I am learning about relief. Intense relief. It is amazing to be sleeping well again. To be breathing more deeply again. To begin the journey from unwinding from a very high stress job for the last 2 years. I miss the people but I don’t miss the job. I am still relieved to wake up every morning and not be going there. I’m relieved to not experience nearly tear-inducing dread every Sunday evening when I realize my weekend is ending. I’m a long way off from recovered, but I am relieved and I am beginning to decompress.
I know I’ve been pretty quiet here lately. Too much going on, inside and outside of my head.
Things I’m learning lately:
Change: Even for changes that are great, change exhausts me. My last job change, I had given myself all kinds of room and warnings. I wrote notes to myself “Make time to recover from change.” This time, it was such a relief to be leaving my other job and be going back to working with my dad– a job I had loved for many years- and somehow I forgot to prep myself for the exhaustion of change. And I’m still in that 6-weeks-of-transition period where change totally and completely exhausts me and I am still trying to find my bearings. It will happen- but for now, I’m exhausted.
Thankfulness: It is most certainly a season of thankfulness. Not because everything in my life is peachy, but because God continues to draw me to Himself in big and small ways. He makes a way for me when I don’t see one. He keeps the details straight even when I feel like they are out of control. And He continues to bless me with great people to walk the journey with.
Boundaries: I still need them. I need to stand up for myself. To protect myself. To set healthy boundaries for myself and for others. People can’t use me if I don’t let them. Even when there are long standing patterns of unhealthy relationships and being used, I can set new boundaries today. And I need to.
Reality: I need to continue to live in reality. Not a happy dream world where I have time and energy for everything, but the reality of the world I live in. A limited world. I have limited time, limited energy, limited resources. And while I want to try to be all things for all people more often than I care to admit, I have to live in reality. To set those boundaries. To acknowledge my limits and be content with them.
2 Corinthians 2:9-10: But he said to me, “My grace <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(A)”>is sufficient for you, for my power <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(B)”>is made perfect in weakness. <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(C)”>” <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(D)”>Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight <sup class="crossreference" value="(T)”>in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, <sup class="crossreference" value="(U)”>in persecutions, <sup class="crossreference" value="(V)”>in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.